Cubs Canon 2016

by Danny Rockett

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AZCATS Any chance for a Maddontown upload? Go Cubs! Favorite track: Heyward.
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about

The Cubs 2016 Season in song!

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released December 5, 2015

Danny Rockett

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about

Danny Rockett and The Bad Teenage Moustache Chicago, Illinois

For over a decade, Bad Teenage Moustache has laid their soul bare upon the musical tables. Childish and insensitive lyrics that don't always rhyme, Unpopular social and political views, and offensive sexual content, make Bad Teenage Moustache the "Must listen to, or die" band of the epoch. ... more

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Track Name: I Didn't Come Here for a Haircut
My name is John Lackey and I pitch for the Cubbies
And I didn’t come here for a haircut, I came for Jewelry
And every night I dream about wearing cammoflage and gold
When we win the World Series that crazy night in Chicago

I’ll wear Diamond Studded earrings emblazoned with a Cubby C
I’ll get Ernie Banks embossed in gold and silver on my teeth
I’ll platinum plate my cowboy boots so that everyone can see
That I didn’t come here for a haircut, I came for Jewelry

No I didn’t come here for a haircut, I came for jewelry
I’m here to be a champion and win the World Series
Don’t worry bout my hairdo, it looks just fine to me
Cause I didn’t come here for a haircut, I came for jewelry

Golden necklace medallion of good old Harry Caray
Shiny Red, Blue bracelet made of sapphires and rubies
But The ring upon my finger, it glitters and it gleems
And says Cubs World Series Champions of 2016

No, I didn’t come here for a haircut, I came for jewelry
I’m here to be a champion and win the World Series
So don’t worry bout my hairdo, it looks just fine to me
Cause I didn’t come here for a haircut, I came….

I didn’t come here for a haircut, I came for jewelry
I’m here to be a champion and win the World Series
So don’t worry bout my hairdo, it looks just fine to me
Cause I didn’t come here for a haircut, I came for jewelry
Track Name: Cubs Time Machine
I had a vision. I had a vision just the other day
That I traveled back to 1908
The last year the Cubbies went all the way….

Made a decision that I never want to come back again.
I’ll miss you all but this place is heaven
Cause here the Cubbies are the Champions

And I’m not getting back in that time machine
Saying goodbye to my old life staring at a screen
Unless the best damn team I’ve ever seen
Can finally win it all in 2016

West Side Admission to see the game’s a dollar fifty cents
Good thing I left some money in my pants
Now I’m watching Tinkers Evers and Chance

Overalls Pitchin’. Damn! I had hoped to see 3 Finger Brown
Knows how to throw and mow the batters down
At least I can afford the tickets now.

And I’m not getting back in that time machine
I’ll drive a Model T Ford on 10 cent gasoline
Unless the best damn team I’ve ever seen
Can finally win it all in 2016

I am not kidding. Don’t bother coming here looking for me
I’m as a happy as a Cubs fan could be
Watching Chicago win the World Series

I’m not getting back in that time machine
I’ll root for Ed Reulbach and Johnny Kling
Unless the best damn team I’ve ever seen
Can finally win it all in 2016

And I’m not getting back in that time machine
Here they don’t call it a trough, they call it a latrine
Unless the best damn team I’ve ever seen
Can finally win it all in 2016

I ain’t going back….
Track Name: The Ballad of John Baker
The Night the Backup Catcher Got the Win

The night the backup catcher got the win.
I showed down at Wrigley with a belly full of gin.
I knew it would be a long one, Edwin Jackson was pitchin’
The night the backup catcher got the win.

Edwin Jackson only lasted four.
The game was tied for 12 more innings, nobody could score.
We went to Captain Morgan’s cause we wanted to drink more.
The night the backup catcher got the win.

It was the night the backup catcher got the win (got the win)
It was the night the backup catcher got the win (got the win)
Sat in the upper deck with 3 of my best friends.
The night the backup catcher got the win.

We went just outside to have a smoke
But as we stood beyond the gates, Captain Morgan’s closed
We got left outside and we couldn’t get back in.
The night the backup catcher got the win.

Three sheets to the wind and overserved
We couldn’t get back to our seats in upper deck reserved.
So we watched a game from a bar on Addison
The night the backup catcher got the win.

It was the night the backup catcher got the win (got the win)
It was the night the backup catcher got the win (got the win)
Got sick outside of Wrigley from mixing beer and gin
The night the backup catcher got the win.

John Baker finally won it in 16
On the most exciting Sac Fly this baseball fan has seen
But I sorta missed it, I was drunk as Charlie Sheen
The night the backup catcher got the win.

It was the night the backup catcher got the win (got the win)
It was the night the backup catcher got the win (got the win)
They threatened us with handcuffs when we tried to sneak back in
The night the backup catcher got the win. (got the win)
It was the night the backup catcher got the win
Track Name: #CrazyHatLady
#CrazyHatLady

Well, always wears three hats
And a couple fanny packs, she’s feelin bitter
Cause What’s-His-Names been replaced
Hey Theo! Stop the Trades! Bring back Schlitter!!

#CrazyHatLady
Oh, whoa, whoa, #CrazyHatLady
Talkin' about #CrazyHatLady
In the microphone line...

You never know what she’ll say
But it’s gonna take all day to hear her question.
She’s rootin for Chicago
Stuffed animal sombrero, and pin collection

#CrazyHatLady
Oh, whoa, whoa, #CrazyHatLady
Talkin' about #CrazyHatLady
In the microphone line…

Well, someday she’ll fall deep in love
When Ronnie Woo woo’s her
Cubbie fans legally wed
Dreamin of the future
Ronnie’s such a lucky guy
I hear she’s quite the cougar
But she’s always shoutin’
Cause she doesn’t like the trades, hey hey hey

No she doesn’t have a doubt
Theo’s gonna ship em out after the series
But she knows what he should do
Keep the core like 62 and other theories

#CrazyHatLady
Oh, whoa, whoa, #CrazyHatLady
Talkin' about #CrazyHatLady
In the microphone line…

Yeah, yeah, yeah, #CrazyHatLady
Oh, whoa, whoa, #CrazyHatLady
Rootin for the Cubs #CrazyHatLady
Yeah yeah yeah yeah #CrazyHatLady
Whoa whoa whoa #CrazyHatLady
Talkin' about #CrazyHatLady
whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
#CrazyHatLady
Yeah yeah yeah #CrazyHatLady
Whoa whoa lord, #CrazyHatLady
With a stuffed animal hat
#CrazyHatLady
Ooh ooh #CrazyHatLady
Track Name: Lackey
Lackey

The Cubs signed Lackey only yesterday
The Cardinals let him get away
Gonna wear Cubby blue in the pennant race
Makes em scared with his mean stare and his angry face

Cause he’s John Lackey
Clap along if you feel kinda wary and confused
Cause he’s John Lackey
Clap along if you think he’ll fill Edwin Jackson’s shoes
Cause he’s John Lackey
Clap along if you thought he wasn’t who they would choose
Cause he’s John Lackey
Clap along if you think that he’ll remember our boo’s

Theo Epstein wanted Lackey back
(Yeah), When he wore Red Sox, upon his hat
(Yeah),For 32 million he was signed
(Yeah), and in two more years, he’s 39
Old guy.

Cause he’s John Lackey
Clap along if you feel like they shoulda got David Price
Cause he’s John Lackey
Clap along if you feel like Greinke woulda been nice
Cause he’s John Lackey
Clap along if you know what Samardzija’s gonna do
Cause he’s John Lackey
Clap along if you want Cueto and Shelby Miller too

Lackey, mows em down
Eats innings, mows em down
He’s a bad guy Lackey, mows em down
Eats innings, mows em down
I said he mows em down
Eats innings, mows em down
He’s a bad guy Lackey, mows em down
Eats innings, mows em down
I said

Lackey Lackey

Cause he’s John Lackey
Clap along if you feel that Lackey is worth the cost
Cause he’s John Lackey
Clap along if you think he’s as old as David Ross
Cause he’s John Lackey
Clap along if you think Lackey can wear Cubbie Blue
Cause he’s John Lackey
Clap along for the man who hopefully will come through.

Cause he’s John Lackey
Clap along if you feel kinda wary and confused
Cause he’s John Lackey
Clap along if you think he’ll fill Edwin Jackson’s shoes
Cause he’s John Lackey
Clap along if you thought he wasn’t who they would choose
Cause he’s John Lackey
Clap along if you think that he’ll remember our boo’s
Track Name: Starlin Castro's Gone
Starlin Castro’s Gone, Goin to the New York Yankees
Gone in a flash to free up some cash
And all Chicago thanks yeee

Starlin Castro’s gone. All the cubbie fans are cryin
But we got Ben and Adam Warren
And some guy named Brenden Ryan

Starlin Castro's Gone. All the Cubbie fans are weeping
You were the best, yeah that is except
When you were out there sleeping

Starlin Castro’s gone, wish you well in New York City.
But If the series is Cubs and Yankees
I hope that you play shitty
Track Name: Starlin (Starman Parody)
Hey Castro…

I was watching twitter on my stupid phone
Saw the Cubs traded Castro
He won’t be playing here in Chicago out the door they said
The Cubs lost their favorite teammate
No more clapping walkups coming to the plate
Gone to the Yankees, for Warren and Brendan Ryan

There's a Starlin waving us goodbye
He doesn’t wanna leave us
And Cub fans are asking why
There's a Starlin waving us goodbye
I can’t believe he’s going
Gonna miss his goofy smile
On TV
I don’t wanna lose him
But the Cubs can’t use him
Enjoy the New York Yankees

I’ll always picture him when he’s turnin’ two
The way he’d bat and fielded and threw
Cept when he’s sleeping, he would let that stupid ball get through
But when he came up he was dynamite
Made it look easy, was never uptight
But now he’s getting on a plane to New York tonight

There's a Starlin waving us goodbye
He doesn’t wanna leave us
And Cub fans are asking why
There's a Starlin waving us goodbye
I can’t believe he’s going
Gonna miss his goofy smile
On TV
I don’t wanna lose him
But the Cubs can’t use him
Enjoy the New York Yankees

Starlin waving us goodbye
He doesn’t wanna leave us
And Cub fans are asking why
There's a Starlin waving us goodbye
I can’t believe he’s going
Gonna miss his goofy smile
On TV
I don’t wanna lose him
But the Cubs can’t use him
Enjoy the New York Yankees
Track Name: Pitchers and Catchers
Pitchers and Catchers (Sweater Song Parody)

Guy: Hey Danny, how was your winter man?
Danny: It sucked.
Guy: How bout them Cubs? What an off season, freakin Theo man!
Danny: Yeah, totally
Guy: Aw man, you want a beer?
Danny: All right.
Guy: This season’s gonna be the best! With Heyward, and Zobrist, and Lackey! Plus last years dudes! We can’t lose!
Danny: That’s what they’re saying!
Guy: Aw man, it's gonna be the best, I'm so stoked! Take it easy bra'.

I need
Palm trees
Cub fans
The sand
Oh damn
I am
Freaking
Freezing

It is time for pitchers and catchers
We’re so close to opening day

Woman: Hey, what's up?
Danny: Not much.
Woman: Do you think they’ll trade Soler?
Danny: I dunno
Woman: Um, I think they’ll probably get a pitcher for him, but maybe wait till the trade deadline.

Hello
Rizzo
I’m gone
Bye-bye (bye)
Could Buy
A Flight
Too Much
Gonna drive

It is time for pitchers and catchers
We’re so close to opening day (To opening day)
In Arizona watching Cubs baseball
Drinking lots of beer (Drinking lots of beer)
Out in the sun!
It is time for pitchers and catchers
We’re so close to opening day (To opening day)
In Arizona watching Cubs baseball
Drinking lots of beer (Drinking lots of beer)
Out in the sun!

It is time for pitchers and catchers
We’re so close to opening day (To opening day)
In Arizona watching Cubs baseball
( I hope I don’t run into sheriff Joe Arapaio)
Drinking lots of beer (Drinking lots of beer)
Out in the sun!
Track Name: Heyward
Heyward, you are the man
Made the Cubs so much freakin better
Now winning the Central won’t be so hard
You left the Cards and made us better

Heyward, you just got paid
Theo gave you a lot of cheddar
I can’t wait for next season to begin
We’re gonna win. You make us better

The starting lineup is insane, chill the champagne
With Zobrist, Rizzo, Bryant, and Schwarber
Soler, Russell Montero too. And then there’s you
Not necessarily in that order
Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah

Heyward, welcome to town
For 8 seasons, you’ll be in center
The Cubbies are stacked with so many stars
They’ll take us far into November

The batting helmet he’s wearin, protects his chin
Heyward doesn’t want his face to get hit
And now he’s wearing Cubbie Blue, Cardinals you’re screwed
The Pirates’ seasons already over
Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah yeah

Heyward, you are the man
Made the Cubs so much freakin better
I can’t wait for next season to begin
We’re gonna win. You make us better
better better better better better, oh

Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, Heyward
Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, Heyward
Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, Heyward
Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, Heyward
Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, Heyward
Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, Heyward
Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, Heyward
Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, Heyward
Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, Heyward
Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, Heyward
Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, Heyward
Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah,Heyward
Track Name: Blister on His Thumb
Jake Arrieta
He’s got the stuff
Always strikes em out.
The other night
Cub Fans were crying, now they’re freaking out

But everything’s fine!
It’s just a blister on his thumb
Everything’s fine
Jake A. You’re still number one!

Injuries
And surgeries
They just happen sometimes
To contend at season’s end
We need Jake in his prime

But everything’s fine!
It’s just a blister on his thumb
Everything’s fine
Jake A. You’re still number one!

Jake Arrieta
He’s got the stuff
Always strikes em out.
The other night
Cub Fans were crying, now they’re freaking out

But everything’s fine!
It’s just a blister on his thumb
Everything’s fine
Jake A. You’re still number one!

Injuries
And surgeries
They just happen sometimes
To contend at season’s end
We need Jake in his prime

But everything’s fine!
It’s just a blister on his thumb
Everything’s fine
Jake A. You’re still number one!
Track Name: Keeping Bees
Keeping Bees

Well he hits home runs, triples and doubles
But when he plays centerfield
The Cubs Jason Heyward’s, keeping bees

That’s why his swing is sweeter
Cause his bat is covered in honey
The Cubs Jason Heyward’s, keeping bees

keeping bees, keeping bees
keeping bees, keeping bees
The Cubs Jason Heyward’s, keeping bees


Heyward wanted to be a keeper
Stead of on a baseball team
Now he’s out in center, keeping bees

For though they may be swarming
Heyward’s handling his colony
His bat is his smoker, keeping bees

Keeping bees, keeping bees
Keeping bees, keeping bees
The Cubs Jason Heyward’s, keeping bees
Keeping bees, keeping bees
Keeping bees, keeping bees
Playing out in Center
Keeping bees

Keeping bees, keeping bees
Keeping bees, keeping bees
The Cubs Jason Heyward’s, keeping bees

At night after the ballgame
He goes out to his apiary
Time for pollination, keeping bees

Harvesting the sticky fluid
That the hive made for their queen
But they’re always stingin’, keeping bees

Keeping bees, keeping bees
Keeping bees, keeping bees
The Cubs Jason Heyward’s, keeping bees
Keeping bees, keeping bees
Keeping bees, keeping bees
Playing out in Center
Keeping bees
Track Name: Praise Theo
Look how he put the Cubs together
Now thanks to Theo We are good
Cubs Fans are rocking out at Wrigley
I’m praising Theo like I should!

He signed Jason Heyward and Fowler
He gave a raise to Travis Wood
And while the Cubbies keep on winning
I’m praising Theo like I should!
Track Name: A Very Cubbie Christmas
Have yourself a very Cubbie Christmas.
Kiss the curse goodbye.
Sing the song and let your W flags fly

Have yourself a very Cubbie Christmas
We went all the way.
Won it in the 10th after a rain delay!

All those years that we had to wait
One hundred and eight. No more!
Though the Indians tied it up, we tried not to suck and scored.

Jon Lester, Hendricks and Arrieta, really mowed em down.
Brought the trophy back to the North Side of town.
So have yourself a very Cubbie Christmas now.
Track Name: Our Year (Cubs Cover)
It looked bad for the Cubs
We were down 3 to 1
But this year was our year,
Took a long time to come

Took Game five at Wrigley
Headed back to Cleveland
Cause this year was our year
took a long time to come

And I won't forget how you came back
While rain was falling down
The Championship.
What Heyward said in the locker room
Gave you the strength to play on

Now we're there and we've only just begun
Cause this year was our year,
Took a long time to come

In the top of the 10th
The Cubbies scored two runs
And this year was our year,
took a long time to come

No more billy-goat curses
Or blaming Bartman
'Cause this year was our year,
Took a long time to come


And I won't forget how you came back
While rain was falling down
The Championship.
What Heyward said in the locker room
Gave you the strength to play on

Now we're there and we’ve only just begun
This year was our year,
Took a long time to come

And we’ve only just begun
'Cause next year is our year...
yeah, we don't just want one