Cubs Canon 2016

by Danny Rockett

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AZCATS Any chance for a Maddontown upload? Go Cubs! Favorite track: Heyward.
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1.
My name is John Lackey and I pitch for the Cubbies And I didn’t come here for a haircut, I came for Jewelry And every night I dream about wearing cammoflage and gold When we win the World Series that crazy night in Chicago I’ll wear Diamond Studded earrings emblazoned with a Cubby C I’ll get Ernie Banks embossed in gold and silver on my teeth I’ll platinum plate my cowboy boots so that everyone can see That I didn’t come here for a haircut, I came for Jewelry No I didn’t come here for a haircut, I came for jewelry I’m here to be a champion and win the World Series Don’t worry bout my hairdo, it looks just fine to me Cause I didn’t come here for a haircut, I came for jewelry Golden necklace medallion of good old Harry Caray Shiny Red, Blue bracelet made of sapphires and rubies But The ring upon my finger, it glitters and it gleems And says Cubs World Series Champions of 2016 No, I didn’t come here for a haircut, I came for jewelry I’m here to be a champion and win the World Series So don’t worry bout my hairdo, it looks just fine to me Cause I didn’t come here for a haircut, I came…. I didn’t come here for a haircut, I came for jewelry I’m here to be a champion and win the World Series So don’t worry bout my hairdo, it looks just fine to me Cause I didn’t come here for a haircut, I came for jewelry
2.
I had a vision. I had a vision just the other day That I traveled back to 1908 The last year the Cubbies went all the way…. Made a decision that I never want to come back again. I’ll miss you all but this place is heaven Cause here the Cubbies are the Champions And I’m not getting back in that time machine Saying goodbye to my old life staring at a screen Unless the best damn team I’ve ever seen Can finally win it all in 2016 West Side Admission to see the game’s a dollar fifty cents Good thing I left some money in my pants Now I’m watching Tinkers Evers and Chance Overalls Pitchin’. Damn! I had hoped to see 3 Finger Brown Knows how to throw and mow the batters down At least I can afford the tickets now. And I’m not getting back in that time machine I’ll drive a Model T Ford on 10 cent gasoline Unless the best damn team I’ve ever seen Can finally win it all in 2016 I am not kidding. Don’t bother coming here looking for me I’m as a happy as a Cubs fan could be Watching Chicago win the World Series I’m not getting back in that time machine I’ll root for Ed Reulbach and Johnny Kling Unless the best damn team I’ve ever seen Can finally win it all in 2016 And I’m not getting back in that time machine Here they don’t call it a trough, they call it a latrine Unless the best damn team I’ve ever seen Can finally win it all in 2016 I ain’t going back….
3.
The Night the Backup Catcher Got the Win The night the backup catcher got the win. I showed down at Wrigley with a belly full of gin. I knew it would be a long one, Edwin Jackson was pitchin’ The night the backup catcher got the win. Edwin Jackson only lasted four. The game was tied for 12 more innings, nobody could score. We went to Captain Morgan’s cause we wanted to drink more. The night the backup catcher got the win. It was the night the backup catcher got the win (got the win) It was the night the backup catcher got the win (got the win) Sat in the upper deck with 3 of my best friends. The night the backup catcher got the win. We went just outside to have a smoke But as we stood beyond the gates, Captain Morgan’s closed We got left outside and we couldn’t get back in. The night the backup catcher got the win. Three sheets to the wind and overserved We couldn’t get back to our seats in upper deck reserved. So we watched a game from a bar on Addison The night the backup catcher got the win. It was the night the backup catcher got the win (got the win) It was the night the backup catcher got the win (got the win) Got sick outside of Wrigley from mixing beer and gin The night the backup catcher got the win. John Baker finally won it in 16 On the most exciting Sac Fly this baseball fan has seen But I sorta missed it, I was drunk as Charlie Sheen The night the backup catcher got the win. It was the night the backup catcher got the win (got the win) It was the night the backup catcher got the win (got the win) They threatened us with handcuffs when we tried to sneak back in The night the backup catcher got the win. (got the win) It was the night the backup catcher got the win
4.
#CrazyHatLady Well, always wears three hats And a couple fanny packs, she’s feelin bitter Cause What’s-His-Names been replaced Hey Theo! Stop the Trades! Bring back Schlitter!! #CrazyHatLady Oh, whoa, whoa, #CrazyHatLady Talkin' about #CrazyHatLady In the microphone line... You never know what she’ll say But it’s gonna take all day to hear her question. She’s rootin for Chicago Stuffed animal sombrero, and pin collection #CrazyHatLady Oh, whoa, whoa, #CrazyHatLady Talkin' about #CrazyHatLady In the microphone line… Well, someday she’ll fall deep in love When Ronnie Woo woo’s her Cubbie fans legally wed Dreamin of the future Ronnie’s such a lucky guy I hear she’s quite the cougar But she’s always shoutin’ Cause she doesn’t like the trades, hey hey hey No she doesn’t have a doubt Theo’s gonna ship em out after the series But she knows what he should do Keep the core like 62 and other theories #CrazyHatLady Oh, whoa, whoa, #CrazyHatLady Talkin' about #CrazyHatLady In the microphone line… Yeah, yeah, yeah, #CrazyHatLady Oh, whoa, whoa, #CrazyHatLady Rootin for the Cubs #CrazyHatLady Yeah yeah yeah yeah #CrazyHatLady Whoa whoa whoa #CrazyHatLady Talkin' about #CrazyHatLady whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa #CrazyHatLady Yeah yeah yeah #CrazyHatLady Whoa whoa lord, #CrazyHatLady With a stuffed animal hat #CrazyHatLady Ooh ooh #CrazyHatLady
5.
(free) 02:53
Lackey The Cubs signed Lackey only yesterday The Cardinals let him get away Gonna wear Cubby blue in the pennant race Makes em scared with his mean stare and his angry face Cause he’s John Lackey Clap along if you feel kinda wary and confused Cause he’s John Lackey Clap along if you think he’ll fill Edwin Jackson’s shoes Cause he’s John Lackey Clap along if you thought he wasn’t who they would choose Cause he’s John Lackey Clap along if you think that he’ll remember our boo’s Theo Epstein wanted Lackey back (Yeah), When he wore Red Sox, upon his hat (Yeah),For 32 million he was signed (Yeah), and in two more years, he’s 39 Old guy. Cause he’s John Lackey Clap along if you feel like they shoulda got David Price Cause he’s John Lackey Clap along if you feel like Greinke woulda been nice Cause he’s John Lackey Clap along if you know what Samardzija’s gonna do Cause he’s John Lackey Clap along if you want Cueto and Shelby Miller too Lackey, mows em down Eats innings, mows em down He’s a bad guy Lackey, mows em down Eats innings, mows em down I said he mows em down Eats innings, mows em down He’s a bad guy Lackey, mows em down Eats innings, mows em down I said Lackey Lackey Cause he’s John Lackey Clap along if you feel that Lackey is worth the cost Cause he’s John Lackey Clap along if you think he’s as old as David Ross Cause he’s John Lackey Clap along if you think Lackey can wear Cubbie Blue Cause he’s John Lackey Clap along for the man who hopefully will come through. Cause he’s John Lackey Clap along if you feel kinda wary and confused Cause he’s John Lackey Clap along if you think he’ll fill Edwin Jackson’s shoes Cause he’s John Lackey Clap along if you thought he wasn’t who they would choose Cause he’s John Lackey Clap along if you think that he’ll remember our boo’s
6.
Starlin Castro’s Gone, Goin to the New York Yankees Gone in a flash to free up some cash And all Chicago thanks yeee Starlin Castro’s gone. All the cubbie fans are cryin But we got Ben and Adam Warren And some guy named Brenden Ryan Starlin Castro's Gone. All the Cubbie fans are weeping You were the best, yeah that is except When you were out there sleeping Starlin Castro’s gone, wish you well in New York City. But If the series is Cubs and Yankees I hope that you play shitty
7.
Hey Castro… I was watching twitter on my stupid phone Saw the Cubs traded Castro He won’t be playing here in Chicago out the door they said The Cubs lost their favorite teammate No more clapping walkups coming to the plate Gone to the Yankees, for Warren and Brendan Ryan There's a Starlin waving us goodbye He doesn’t wanna leave us And Cub fans are asking why There's a Starlin waving us goodbye I can’t believe he’s going Gonna miss his goofy smile On TV I don’t wanna lose him But the Cubs can’t use him Enjoy the New York Yankees I’ll always picture him when he’s turnin’ two The way he’d bat and fielded and threw Cept when he’s sleeping, he would let that stupid ball get through But when he came up he was dynamite Made it look easy, was never uptight But now he’s getting on a plane to New York tonight There's a Starlin waving us goodbye He doesn’t wanna leave us And Cub fans are asking why There's a Starlin waving us goodbye I can’t believe he’s going Gonna miss his goofy smile On TV I don’t wanna lose him But the Cubs can’t use him Enjoy the New York Yankees Starlin waving us goodbye He doesn’t wanna leave us And Cub fans are asking why There's a Starlin waving us goodbye I can’t believe he’s going Gonna miss his goofy smile On TV I don’t wanna lose him But the Cubs can’t use him Enjoy the New York Yankees
8.
Pitchers and Catchers (Sweater Song Parody) Guy: Hey Danny, how was your winter man? Danny: It sucked. Guy: How bout them Cubs? What an off season, freakin Theo man! Danny: Yeah, totally Guy: Aw man, you want a beer? Danny: All right. Guy: This season’s gonna be the best! With Heyward, and Zobrist, and Lackey! Plus last years dudes! We can’t lose! Danny: That’s what they’re saying! Guy: Aw man, it's gonna be the best, I'm so stoked! Take it easy bra'. I need Palm trees Cub fans The sand Oh damn I am Freaking Freezing It is time for pitchers and catchers We’re so close to opening day Woman: Hey, what's up? Danny: Not much. Woman: Do you think they’ll trade Soler? Danny: I dunno Woman: Um, I think they’ll probably get a pitcher for him, but maybe wait till the trade deadline. Hello Rizzo I’m gone Bye-bye (bye) Could Buy A Flight Too Much Gonna drive It is time for pitchers and catchers We’re so close to opening day (To opening day) In Arizona watching Cubs baseball Drinking lots of beer (Drinking lots of beer) Out in the sun! It is time for pitchers and catchers We’re so close to opening day (To opening day) In Arizona watching Cubs baseball Drinking lots of beer (Drinking lots of beer) Out in the sun! It is time for pitchers and catchers We’re so close to opening day (To opening day) In Arizona watching Cubs baseball ( I hope I don’t run into sheriff Joe Arapaio) Drinking lots of beer (Drinking lots of beer) Out in the sun!
9.
07:08
Heyward, you are the man Made the Cubs so much freakin better Now winning the Central won’t be so hard You left the Cards and made us better Heyward, you just got paid Theo gave you a lot of cheddar I can’t wait for next season to begin We’re gonna win. You make us better The starting lineup is insane, chill the champagne With Zobrist, Rizzo, Bryant, and Schwarber Soler, Russell Montero too. And then there’s you Not necessarily in that order Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah Heyward, welcome to town For 8 seasons, you’ll be in center The Cubbies are stacked with so many stars They’ll take us far into November The batting helmet he’s wearin, protects his chin Heyward doesn’t want his face to get hit And now he’s wearing Cubbie Blue, Cardinals you’re screwed The Pirates’ seasons already over Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah yeah Heyward, you are the man Made the Cubs so much freakin better I can’t wait for next season to begin We’re gonna win. You make us better better better better better better, oh Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, Heyward Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, Heyward Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, Heyward Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, Heyward Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, Heyward Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, Heyward Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, Heyward Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, Heyward Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, Heyward Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, Heyward Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, Heyward Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah,Heyward
10.
Jake Arrieta He’s got the stuff Always strikes em out. The other night Cub Fans were crying, now they’re freaking out But everything’s fine! It’s just a blister on his thumb Everything’s fine Jake A. You’re still number one! Injuries And surgeries They just happen sometimes To contend at season’s end We need Jake in his prime But everything’s fine! It’s just a blister on his thumb Everything’s fine Jake A. You’re still number one! Jake Arrieta He’s got the stuff Always strikes em out. The other night Cub Fans were crying, now they’re freaking out But everything’s fine! It’s just a blister on his thumb Everything’s fine Jake A. You’re still number one! Injuries And surgeries They just happen sometimes To contend at season’s end We need Jake in his prime But everything’s fine! It’s just a blister on his thumb Everything’s fine Jake A. You’re still number one!
11.
04:08
Keeping Bees Well he hits home runs, triples and doubles But when he plays centerfield The Cubs Jason Heyward’s, keeping bees That’s why his swing is sweeter Cause his bat is covered in honey The Cubs Jason Heyward’s, keeping bees keeping bees, keeping bees keeping bees, keeping bees The Cubs Jason Heyward’s, keeping bees Heyward wanted to be a keeper Stead of on a baseball team Now he’s out in center, keeping bees For though they may be swarming Heyward’s handling his colony His bat is his smoker, keeping bees Keeping bees, keeping bees Keeping bees, keeping bees The Cubs Jason Heyward’s, keeping bees Keeping bees, keeping bees Keeping bees, keeping bees Playing out in Center Keeping bees Keeping bees, keeping bees Keeping bees, keeping bees The Cubs Jason Heyward’s, keeping bees At night after the ballgame He goes out to his apiary Time for pollination, keeping bees Harvesting the sticky fluid That the hive made for their queen But they’re always stingin’, keeping bees Keeping bees, keeping bees Keeping bees, keeping bees The Cubs Jason Heyward’s, keeping bees Keeping bees, keeping bees Keeping bees, keeping bees Playing out in Center Keeping bees
12.
02:38
Look how he put the Cubs together Now thanks to Theo We are good Cubs Fans are rocking out at Wrigley I’m praising Theo like I should! He signed Jason Heyward and Fowler He gave a raise to Travis Wood And while the Cubbies keep on winning I’m praising Theo like I should!
13.
Have yourself a very Cubbie Christmas. Kiss the curse goodbye. Sing the song and let your W flags fly Have yourself a very Cubbie Christmas We went all the way. Won it in the 10th after a rain delay! All those years that we had to wait One hundred and eight. No more! Though the Indians tied it up, we tried not to suck and scored. Jon Lester, Hendricks and Arrieta, really mowed em down. Brought the trophy back to the North Side of town. So have yourself a very Cubbie Christmas now.
14.
It looked bad for the Cubs We were down 3 to 1 But this year was our year, Took a long time to come Took Game five at Wrigley Headed back to Cleveland Cause this year was our year took a long time to come And I won't forget how you came back While rain was falling down The Championship. What Heyward said in the locker room Gave you the strength to play on Now we're there and we've only just begun Cause this year was our year, Took a long time to come In the top of the 10th The Cubbies scored two runs And this year was our year, took a long time to come No more billy-goat curses Or blaming Bartman 'Cause this year was our year, Took a long time to come And I won't forget how you came back While rain was falling down The Championship. What Heyward said in the locker room Gave you the strength to play on Now we're there and we’ve only just begun This year was our year, Took a long time to come And we’ve only just begun 'Cause next year is our year... yeah, we don't just want one

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The Cubs 2016 Season in song!

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released December 5, 2015

Danny Rockett

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Danny Rockett and The Bad Teenage Moustache Chicago, Illinois

For over a decade, Bad Teenage Moustache has laid their soul bare upon the musical tables. Childish and insensitive lyrics that don't always rhyme, Unpopular social and political views, and offensive sexual content, make Bad Teenage Moustache the "Must listen to, or die" band of the epoch. ... more

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